"I Don't Think I Can Do This."

As this year of teaching in China began, I had many moments when I thought "I don’t think I can do this." There were many miscommunications with my Chinese co-teachers due to the language barrier that caused us to hit walls in building relationship, disciplining my students was challenging because of the differences in Eastern and Western education, and I was adjusting to the slower pace of life here, everything from having to travel at least an hour to get anywhere in Beijing, to having to make things from scratch if you want a Western meal, to not having very much technology in the classroom, meaning I had to make everything by hand.

However, the Father has given me the strength to pour into the lives of my co-teachers, the perseverance and wisdom to reach my students, and He's grown my love for Chinese people and culture. As my team and I have reached the finish line of our year here, my feelings have been ones of not wanting to leave. My team leader recently took a video of my Chinese co-teacher and I sharing what it has been like to work together this year. As tears filled my eyes before we began, I again said, from a whole new prospective, "I don’t think I can do this." It is difficult to leave people you love, not knowing if and when you will see them not just on this earth, but in our eternal home. I believe He will continue to move and work in their lives and even though it is totally not about me, I am sad I won't be here to experience that!

I have already have had my last class with one class today and I will have three more tomorrow. In my class today we took a class picture, watched a picture slideshow of all the things we've done together this semester, and I gave them a picture of me with a letter on the back. One-by-one the flood gates opened and it was an emotional day for all of us. At the end of class, they all ran to give lots of hugs and kisses and they wanted my autograph on the back of the picture I had given them. I will miss each sweet face and will cherish the memories and things I've learned from them in my first year of teaching.

I also had the students fill out information cards, including writing one of their favorite memories with me. It is always funny to see what students will write, especially EFL students. Here are some of my favorites:

"I like singing songs and watching Ms. Katie dance."
"I like her golden hair and green eyes."
"Ms. Katie go and I very sad."
"My favorite memory of Ms. Katie is help me to clean blackboard."
"You can play game in our every lesson."
"I love you because you are very beautiful."
"I like you because you love everyone in our class."

This year has been nothing less than one of great significance and I truly have discovered that teaching is my passion and what I was made for. I know He is calling me to the next task a little closer to home, in fact in the same school district I grew up in, as a third grade teacher at a school that is primarily Hispanic. I know I will enjoy working with these students and teachers and I look forward to meeting them.

I'm thankful for every step of the journey and many times this year I have reflected on this hymn. I believe I’ve shared it in a newsletter, but it brings me hope as even though there are feelings of pain and loss right now, our communion with the Father never changes wherever we are:

"If the path I travel
Lead me to the cross;
If the way Thou choosest
Lead to pain and loss;
Let the compensation
Daily, hourly, be
Shadowless communion,
Blessed Lord, with Thee."

Thanks for reading and being a part of the journey this year! Zai Jian!